How Duncan Stole Christmas!
by silverVOID
Summary: A parody of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, only in Total Drama style! Credit to toongenius on deviantART for the idea. One-shot. Rated T for profanity.


It was a well known fact that every camper in Wawanakwa loved Christmas. But usually, "every camper" is used as an exaggeration. _Every_ camper sucked at the challenges. Every camper enjoyed each other's company. _Every_ camper thought Chris should rot in Hell (actually, that's pretty true. They _did,_ after all). This "every", however, was no exception. Every camper loved Christmas.

Except Duncan.

He hated it all!

Of course, no one has any idea why. Christmas is a day where you can get presents and spend time with your family and all that junk. But Duncan, because his limbs were worn out or his pants were too tight or any other reason, hated everything about the holiday. But it seemed, indeed, that his heart was too small, by two sizes, in fact. As Christmas crawled nearer and nearer, he would sulk on the porch of the cabin, glaring about the beautiful snow-covered clearing with couples walking together in search of mistletoe hanging, or to make it to the kitchen to have a mug of hot cocoa. Duncan grunted in disgust and walked up to one of the few teens that wasn't with any girl. Noah looked up from his book in surprise that quickly changed into a look of alarm and fear, and finally his normal cynical expression. There was no way he was going to show his fear of the bully to the man himself.

"And they're hanging their stockings!" Duncan growled to Noah, picking him up by his sweater vest's collar. "Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"

"That's great, Duncan," Noah said sarcastically. "Now can you please let go of my vest?" Duncan ignored him.

"I must find a way to keep Christmas from coming!" he moaned, and then, scowling down at the nerd, threw him back onto the snow covered ground and stormed away. _There must be some way... but how?_ he thought. He had to find a way to stop the holiday. For he knew of all the commotion that would begin. All the noise, and the toys, and the feast, and the roast beast, and then... the _singing!_ Every competitor, host, and intern would gather round the campfire and stand hand in hand... and they would start _singing!_ And they'd keep singing! Three and a half hours later and they would _STILL_ BE SINGING! And he would never get any sleep whatsoever! Which made Duncan think,_ I must stop it all! I've put up with this nonsense for... a really long time! I have to stop Christmas... but- how the fuck would I do that, anyways?_

And then, he got an idea.

An idea so grand, so diminishing, so... _horrible,_ he broke into a grin that scared the living shit out of the campers surrounding him.

"Of course!" Duncan exclaimed. "I am, after all in a Dr. Seuss parody fanfic. So why don't _I_ be the Grinch?" He broke into a fit of manic laughter. "I can make myself a suit, find myself a deer, and stop Christmas once and for all!"

But a voice inside him nagged, "Don't you remember what happened to the Grinch when he tried to steal Christmas?"

Duncan blinked. "No, and honestly, I don't care," he answered, and went on his way of making a Santa suit.

Well, stealing a Santa suit.

Come on, you can't expect _Duncan_ of all people to actually make a frickin suit.

So after a good 45 minutes, Duncan came back from the outside world (which, after hijacking the Boat of Losers and driving to the nearest point of civilization, seemed only too easy.

"Now," He smirked. "I just need a reindeer." He looked left, he looked right, there was no deer in sight.

But there was someone who might actually make a pretty decent deer...

"Hey! What gives? Duncan, what's wrong with you?! I'm just trying to read my- hey!" Noah struggled from the criminal's grasp to no avail. With one hand clutching firmly to the smaller boy's shirt, Duncan unceremoniously plopped on some antlers and deer tale on Noah.

"What the hell's going on?!" he spluttered.

"You're going to be my reindeer for tonight, that's what's going on." Duncan grinned almost insanely.

"Uh, you're joking right?"

"Does it look like I'm joking?" he snapped. "Listen, dweeb, you're gonna pull my sled, and you're gonna like it!"

"But what if I hate it?" Noah said in a smart alecky tone. "Anyways, you can't force me into this. And sports aren't my forte, if you remember."

Duncan leered down at him, a harness in hand. "Put on this harness, or I'll strangle you with it!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh," Noah muttered. "I'll do it, okay?"

Duncan grinned. "Good." Taking the other end of the harness he connected it to a large sled filled with sacks behind him and hopped on, grabbing a whip.

"Seriously?" Noah asked, eyeing the whip warily.

"Yes. Now move it!" Duncan's call was interrupted by the sound of his whip cracking through the air. Noah yipped in pain.

"Ow! Can you _please_ lay off the whip on this?"

He grinned. "Sorry. No can do." He whipped him again, and soon, it was hard to believe that he was the same lazy, conceited teen before, the speed he was running.

It was nighttime now. Duncan halted Noah and leapt down from the sled with empty sacks in his grasp.

"You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch," Noah commented.

"Oh shut it," said Duncan. He grabbed the edge of the roof of the Screaming Gophers Cabin and pulled himself up. Casting one more glance onto the snow-covered ground he leapt into the chimney and vanished from sight.

It was so ashy and dusty he broke into a coughing fit once he got inside. He crawled down the chimney painfully slowly, his thick red coat the only thing protecting his back from the rough brick. He landed smoothly at the bottom and, after brushing himself off, turned around to face it. It was hung all around with multi-colored socks.

Duncan smirked. "These stockings will be the first to go!" He pulled them all off, one by one, put them in a sack, and snuck to the tree. Under it were loads and loads of presents. And he took them all! The toys and games and other random stuff, he shoved them all into sacks. When there were no more left, he threw the sacks up through the chimney. Looking around, he then climbed back out and walked to Chris's tent where he stored his food. And, believe me, when he was done, there was absolutely nothing left to eat! Not even the roast beast! And so he snuck back into the Screaming Gophers cabin, and stood, admiring the tree in mock amazement.

"This tree would be very fun to burn," Duncan noted. So he hoisted it up, and with all this strength, shoved it up the chimney. He was almost finished when suddenly, he heard a footstep.

And then another.

And another.

And little blond Lindsay walked in, back from a few late night kisses with Tyler.

"Dalton, what are you doing with the tree? And why are you dressed as Santa? Oh! Are you filling in for him in case of an injury or something?"

"Uh- um- yes," Duncan answered. "Yes, I am one of Santa's helpers, and I've come to deliver presents."

"But why is the tree stuck in the chimney?"

"Oh, that? I have no idea," Duncan lied.

Lindsay nodded reasonably and went back to bed. "I know how that feels," she said.

Duncan looked at her strangely, and then, making sure that all of them were now back to sleep, he continued to push the tree up until it was now on the roof. He grinned at his handiwork.

* * *

Meanwhile, Noah had slipped out of his harness and was currently reading his book. The sound of a twig snapping and footsteps made him raise his head in confusion. "Duncan, the cabins are over there, smartass. No need to be hiding in the-" He was cut off when none other than Chris McClean came out of the bush.

"Chris? What are _you_ doing here?" he asked.

"Well, I thought it would be nice if... we, like, added a musical number to this or something."

"It's four in the morning," Noah grumbled. "And besides, this isn't World Tour."

"Do it or I'll kick you off the show!" Chris threatened.

"I actually wouldn't mind getting off the show."

"No fair!" Chris whined. "Well, then I'll- I'll- I'll tell everyone you like Cody."

Noah blinked. "But I _don't_ like Cody. At least not in that sense-"

"Well, they won't know that," Chris replied. "Now do it!" Noah sighed and began,

_"You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch. You really are a heel. You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch. You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel!_

_You're a monster, Mr. Grinch. Your heart's an empty hole. Your brain is full of spiders, you have garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch. I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!_

_You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch. You have termites in your smile. You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch. Given a choice between the two of you, I'd take the seasick crocodile!_

_You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch. You're the king of sinful sots. Your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots, Mr. Grinch. You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce_

_You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch. With a nauseous super 'naus'! You're a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Mr. Grinch. Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots!_

_You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch. You're a nasty wasty skunk. Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch. The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,'Stink, stank, stunk'!"_

Chris clapped. "Bravo, bravo! For a deer, you can really sing!" Noah threw his book at him in response, and he left.

"What was Chris doing here?" Duncan called from the roof.

"I don't know," Noah answered. "I don't think he knows or honestly cares that you're attempting to steal Christmas."

"Not attempting!" Duncan snapped. "I'll succeed, you just wait!"

Noah rolled his eyes. "Sure you will." Duncan threw one of the sacks on top of him.

"Put these in the sled," Duncan commanded.

"Whatever you say," Noah said from underneath the sack.

* * *

A half hour later Duncan was now completely done with his work at the Killer Bass cabin. The cabins were so bare of Christmas spirit they almost resembled a different day entirely, say, like a gloomy day in February. A day like Valentine's Day, for example. Because honestly that day is a load of bullshit.

"Mush!" Duncan shouted, and whipped Noah. "Get in your harness and let's go!" And so they did go, all the way up to the top of the cliff.

"I can't wait to see their reactions!" Duncan exclaimed, peering down at the cabins. "They're be so upset!" He leaned down to hear their cries.

However, shockingly, that was not the case. He did hear cries, but... they were cries of _joy._ In fact, the _same_ cries of joy as he heard every Christmas.

"But- but how is this possible?" Duncan whispered. "How can this be? Haven't I stopped Christmas?"

"Uh, dude, Christmas is still a holiday, even without all of the presents and crap. It's about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, not the toys and feasts," Noah said.

"That is just about the most cheesiest thing I've ever heard," Duncan scoffed. But listening to the campers sing and be merry, he felt something in his heart. And it was _growing._ That something was warmth, and it was spreading through him head to toe. His heart had grown bigger, it seemed, by three sizes! His scowling expression changed into a softer, kinder look. He got off the sled and was just about to turn it around when-

"Help!" Noah cried. Duncan peered down in terror. He was hanging only by the harness above the shark infested waters. The sacks were starting to tilt, and then the sled itself began to slid downward. Duncan gasped and clutched onto the sled and pulled with all his might, but it was too much for him. Soon, he was being dragged off as well. And that was when a true miracle happened.

Almost as if Jesus himself had come down to Earth to help him, Duncan lifted the sled above his head with strength of a thousand Duncans, plus two! And he turned that sled around, unharnessed Noah, and together they rode the sled down back to the camp of Wawanakwa.

There were gasps of shock all around. Duncan and Noah both threw the presents off the sled, and everyone broke into grins and laughter as they picked them up. Then everyone, the interns, the hosts, and the competitors, all gathered around and sang. And they sang songs of beauty, of thankfulness, of joy.

For that is what Christmas is all about.

The end.

**A/N: Yeah, I'm going to be in Japan for a few weeks so I'm posting this early. But yeah, idea from toongenious's piece on deviantART, and a merry Christmas to all!**


End file.
